How to Suffer Well by Peter Hollins

 

How to suffer well by Peter Hollins : Book Review

Suffering is inevitable and humans needs to learn to deal with it rather than resist it. A learning so necessary in the current times that “How to Suffer well” by Peter Hollins concentrates on a goldmine of an interesting topic. A unique topic to write a book on and a more unusual one to read about. The topic itself is so sensitive that readers would rather pick up something lite and breezy rather than something so serious.

“How to Suffer well” by Peter Hollins is a book that focuses on a serious emotion of the current times dealt in a nuanced and simple understandable language. The underlying learning is that pain in inevitable, suffering is not.

The book though not divided into sections, but can be so by the reader. The book technically comprises tools and techniques to deal with suffering and pain based on the Buddhist conception, stoicism’s approach to suffering, Victor Frankl’s approach to suffering and pain and general techniques that can help to suffer better and suffer less.

 The first section of the book concentrates on the understanding of premise of human suffering and pain. In this section, the author through the Buddhist conception of suffering makes the reader understand the difference between suffering and hanging on to the pain created by it. The reader will get enlightening insights as to how changing our perception towards pain created by suffering will make all the difference for us. The section also contains the understanding on the four noble truths according to Buddha; Dukkha – suffering is unavoidable in life, Samudaya- cause of suffering, Nirodha – how we can let go of suffering and Marga – how the Buddhist eight- fold path can help us to let go of suffering.

This section further dwells deep into the key cause for our suffering i.e. attachment to an assumed outcome from everything. The next part in this section shows the reader that how to overcome suffering through the Buddhist tradition. It showcases four different steps to overcome the pain from suffering;

• Distinguishing between pain and suffering based on facts or opinion and understand and see it clearly,
• Finding the middle way in which we avoid extremes and all black-white thinking,
• Embrace what is and acknowledge the feeling without trying to escape them and,
• Watch-out for your information consumption as that has indirect impact on what contributes to pain and suffering.

The second section of the book deals with the stoicism’s approach to beat suffering that concentrates on the following aspects namely;

• Control what you control and accepting things that we can’t control.
• Be grateful for everything through negative visualization. Negative visualization refers to a technique wherein we imagine that things could be a lot worse. This type of visualization helps us to accept contentment of the life that we have in hand.
• Take action to face life’s pain by working on what we have.
• Weigh up the cost of struggling in which we analyze the cost and benefit of struggling and accepting.

 The third section of the book concentrates on a person from history who has written one of the most impactful books on accepting pain and suffering and came out victorious from all of it. This part of the book narrates to us the learnings from an inspirational book- “Man’s search for meaning” written by Viktor Frankl. The book was first published in 1946 in which the author, Viktor Frankl, details his experience with dealing with suffering and pain in the Nazi Concentration camps during the second world war tenure. Post the war and his personal trauma, he went on to become a famed Austrian psychotherapist. This section concentrates on some key learnings from the point of view of Victor Frankl namely;

• Find your purpose – in which we find our own unique purpose in relation to what matters the most to us in life.
• Having Compassion and be guided by love and close kindness and empathy.

The next section deals with tools that can help one suffer less and suffer better. The tools that have been narrated include;

• Get good at reframing- Analyze and reframe what counts as suffering or pain.
• See emotional responses for what they are- acknowledging - embracing and welcoming emotions without resistance and judgement.
• Embracing effort and difficulty as a pathway to an enriching experience.
• Accepting the reality check that through suffering and pain something needs to be changed.
• Train for the pain with an attitude of “No option”.

There is this final chapter that showcases how humor can be effective coping mechanism to get out of the pain. This chapter includes good count of quotes from known celebrities showcasing how they use humor to overcome the fear of suffering and pain.

Finally, at the end of the book, there is a chapter wise summary of key learnings for a quick revisit after one has finished reading the book.

The book would be best read by bifurcating the four different sections over four weeks to give space and accumulation of the learnings. The language is easy to understand and has a connecting flow. After each chapter, there is a takeaway section that summarizes the chapters into bullet points. However, reading the detailed narrative helps the brain to retain the learnings and also connect with some key examples stated in various sections of the chapter.

This is not a slick modern self- help book. It’s rather a book that showcases that when it comes to suffering and pain, it’s our inner mentality and our responses to the suffering and pain that determine what will be the final outcome.

A unique and insightful read.